"And pretty much right after that, she left."

Ever since I wrote the last chapter of my novel-project, I've been searching for the perfect openning sentence. To make it easier on myself, I've arranged for a few ground rules:

1) It can't start with the word 'I.' Or for that matter, directly refer to me. The biggest pet-peave of most readers is a first person account that never leaves the narrator. I really don't care that I bother people, but if I do so in a way that bothers me too, then I'm just an asshole.

2) It can't use the verb "to be." These are both creative-writing-class bullshit rules that people pull when they don't have anything else to say about your piece. But I intend to entertain and regail.

"Call me Ishmael, I am an orphan." therefore would be out. As would "This is the eve of our discontent." "I am invisible." "I was born in the city of Bombay...once upon a time." "I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in lvoe with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain of disruption it would bring with it."

I decided on the above sentence last wednesday, but I will most certainly no longer need it by friday.