Do you remember how much more reasonable things always seemed in highschool?

Here is me on the phone with a magazine editor, trying to convince him that what his magazine needs for the summer is an 18 year old sending in emails about the progress of his cross country trip:

"I could bring a computer with me and write something about each place I visited." Swivel chairs squeaked in an office on the other end of the line.

"Please deposit twenty-five cents for the next five minutes," the lobby phone in my high school demanded.

With the next quarter, I explained that I had every intention of seeing many major art museums, national parks, and various large balls of twine, but the editor I talked to seemed unconvinced.

"I mean, like, the whole beat generation is in their fifties now, they’re too old to do these things anyway."

That was a much better selling point when I practiced it on my friends at lunch.

Imagine with me how this essay would have turned out.

"The Art Institute of Chicago occupies in a very impressive building and parking on the street is always free after 6 PM. The museum’s friendly and courteous staff are always available, even after hours, to answer many questions…"

Somehow I imagined that I must be the only high school kid to call up a week before graduation and offer a newspaper the chance to fund an On the Road rip-off.

"You know, Brendan, the thing is that we are already locked into another story like yours. There is a woman travelling through all of the cities in Europe looking for love."

We said polite goodbyes and hung up on one another.

Man, that guy totally treated me like I was fourteen, I said as I crumpled my bathroom pass and walked back to Algebra.

Labels: Chicago